


we are all just trying to be holy

by behradtarazi



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Depa Trains Anakin, Fix-It, Found Family, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Space Mom Depa Billaba, Vaapad Is Terrifying, but these are mostly the mains so far!, by divergence i mean we get to qui gon's death in tpm and then go feral, i don't know what to describe this as, i'll update more tags and characters as the fic goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:01:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23300584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behradtarazi/pseuds/behradtarazi
Summary: There was something warm and gentle in Depa’s voice, the way there always was, the way that was starting to sound like home to Anakin, though it would be awhile now before he recognized it. “Let me tell you a secret, my young Padawan: every Jedi has attachments.”He blinked up at her, eyes wide and confused. “Even Master Windu?”She laughed, nodding. “Even Master Windu.”--An AU where Depa Billaba takes Anakin Skywalker as her Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi interferes just a little bit, and Mace Windu is very, very tired.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Mace Windu, Depa Billaba & Anakin Skywalker, Depa Billaba & Mace Windu, Depa Billaba & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 19
Kudos: 247





	we are all just trying to be holy

Depa Billaba was certain that she would always remember the first time she saw Anakin Skywalker.

Actually, not the first time she saw him - she felt his presence before she ever laid eyes on the boy, the Force pulling her towards him, the tug so strong, so insistent that she almost leaned forward in her chair. But she kept her back straight and her head held high, cloaked her confusion from her fellow councilmembers, even as Mace tilted his head towards her, a questioning look flashing across his face that almost none but his former Padawan knew him well enough to recognize. She sent a burst of reassurance through their bond, and luckily enough Qui Gon walked into the room before Mace could press further, Obi-Wan and a small, blonde boy trailing behind him.

Depa took one look at the child's clothes and knew that at least one of the Masters in the room would not be so decent as to not judge him for them.

She stayed impassive as Qui Gon made his case for the boy (no, for _Anakin_ ) being the Chosen One, kept any reaction she might have had carefully masked, and noticed that some of the others did not do the same.

Anakin picked up on it, she was sure. He had to have, with a midichlorian count that high. And he would only feel more as he became more open to the Force.

Because he _would_ become more open to it as he grew older, she had no doubt in that, even as the test went less than stellar and the doors closed behind him so that the Council could deliberate, and for a moment he looked so, so small. _Sometimes_ , Depa thought, _we are so distracted by their power - or lack thereof - that we forget how young they all are._

The results were predictable, for the most part.

They should have been completely predictable, but when it was Depa’s turn to voice her opinion, she paused, and then, “I say we take him in.” There was a murmur of surprise, confusion, even Yoda looking to Mace almost to verify that she had said what he thought she said. She gave them little explanation, only a simple “I believe the Force may be strong in him.”

It sparked some conversation, but Depa knew that it wouldn’t be enough.

She met Qui Gon’s gaze, and hoped he could tell she was sorry.

* * *

That was the last time Depa ever saw Qui Gon Jinn.

* * *

The vigil was as nice as a vigil could be, really.

Depa stood off to the side, hood up and bathing her face in shadows, hiding the eyes that slowly scanned the room, watching each Jedi carefully. She was worried, simply put. Jedi weren’t always known for handling grief well, no matter how hard they tried. There were some things you couldn’t truly prepare for.

She would meditate later, reflect on Qui Gon and her memories of him, work through the loss as best she could in one evening. But until then, she watched, and just as she was considering going over to Obi-Wan to check up on him, she noticed something - a small figure slipping out of the room, away from the crowd.

_Anakin._

With a respectful nod to Mace, Depa walked out after the boy.

She found him sitting with his back to the wall, as far from the light as he could be with his hands curled into tight fists. It didn't seem to be out of anger, if the feelings of sadness and frustration coming from Anakin were any explanation.

Stopping in front of him, she took off her hood. "May I sit with you?"

He looked up, surprise flashing across his face before he nodded quickly. "'Course, Master…"

"Billaba. Depa Billaba."

She sat down beside him, and he managed to give her a small smile. "It's nice to meet you, Master Billaba."

"It's nice to properly meet you too, Anakin, though I wish the circumstances were better." The council meeting didn't count in Depa's mind. It was less of a conversation and more of an interrogation, certainly not the setting to introduce yourself. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” he said quietly, then added, almost like he could sense her skepticism, small voice catching and breaking along the way, “I wish Master Qui Gon hadn’t died. But that’s just - people die a lot. On Tatooine. It’s not - it’s not _fair,_ but they _do,_ they just - they _do_.” There it was, that grief she had sensed around the edges, too much understanding and yet not enough at the same time, experience without the ability to fully process it.

Cautiously, she put a light, comforting hand on his shoulder, growing more confident in the action when he didn’t pull away. “Though it may seem like a common occurrence to you, young one,” she replied, words gentle, “that doesn’t devalue the pain it may bring. While having control over your emotions is certainly good, you shouldn’t try to ignore them completely.”

He was leaning into her touch now, almost unnoticeably, and it was a long few moments before he spoke again, sounding his age in a way that made her heart pang with sympathy for him. “I didn’t think anybody could kill a Jedi.”

 _I wish that were so_ , she thought. _I wish that were so._

Instead of that, she said, “Death isn’t the end, Anakin. When the Jedi die, we become one with the Force. And that is how we stay for the rest of time. Master Jinn is at peace and watching over you. I’m sure you will make him proud.”

“But I’m not going to be a Jedi,” Anakin said, confusion clear. “I’m not going to be what he wanted me to.”

“There is honor in life outside of the Order.” Depa sounded so sure, so confident in her words, a steady belief she was careful to project into the Force, in case he could pick up on even a snippet of it. “And the Council is going to convene to consider the matter again. Master Jinn’s death...changes things, at least slightly.”

“I thought you didn’t want me.”

“I voted in your favor once already. I fully intend to do so again.”

* * *

Depa surveyed her fellow councilmembers with a practiced type of ice, judged their intentions through the Force, searching for the feelings behind their words - whether they were arguing for Anakin’s acceptance or against it did nothing to dissuade her search.

Some of them were afraid. Afraid of the possibility of the Chosen One. Afraid of taking in a boy too old, a boy already holding the beginnings of too much anger.

Depa Billaba did not fear anything easily.

Neither did Mace Windu.

Still, he seemed to hesitate, and he didn’t say a word, watching his fellow Jedi Masters in much the same way as Depa was, all careful consideration. She could feel his conflict through their Force bond, and reached out to him, brushing against his mental barriers with a silent question. He turned his head towards her slightly, narrowed his eyes, and let her in, every one of his thoughts sharpening and becoming clear for her to see. 

She knew it was rare for him to let anyone read him like that, but that didn’t mean she was surprised he did. The two of them would always know each other better than anyone else, she was sure of it.

 _It was Qui Gon’s last wish,_ she said, voice echoing in Mace’s head - though maybe _said_ wasn’t the word for it, because they weren’t quite words, more like feelings in almost-word form. Whatever the name, he understood her, and she noticed a hint of his resolve slowly chipping away.

_We can’t just let someone into the Order on only a wish. You know I respect Master Jinn, but -_

_No buts. It is proper to honor him. And I believe that Anakin has potential, he could be an excellent Jedi one day. The Force is pushing me in his direction, Mace. We need to give him a chance._

He frowned and severed their connection, and she relaxed in her seat, almost certain that she had won. Their conversation had not gone unnoticed, and Eeth Koth gave her an inquisitive look, a brief pause in his belief that Anakin should be accepted. She answered him with a hint of a smile, familiarly warm and steady in a way she usually only showed right before starting an argument she knew she would win with Mace. The two of them found themselves disagreeing fairly often, but when they didn’t...when Depa and Mace worked together, they always won. Always. 

“We should honor Qui Gon’s final wish,” Depa said to the room, tone relaxed, though serious. “Anakin has real potential. With the right teacher, he can be an excellent Jedi, just like Qui Gon wanted for him. And I’m not saying that he’s definitely the Chosen One, but his midichlorian count gives him power. It might be dangerous to send him back to Tatooine.”

After a tense pause, every gaze in the room going to Mace, he finally spoke. “I agree.” 

Depa almost smiled.

“But he cannot be trained by Kenobi.” She tilted her head, listening, and he went on. “He only just became a Knight. And Master Jinn’s death...he was his Master. It hurt him. He needs time, not a Padawan to take care of.”

Yoda hummed, nodding along, despite his adamance that Anakin still should not be trained at all. “Accepted into the Order, he will be, if you all insist it must be so. Who will agree to train him? Who is best suited to it?”

There was a moment of consideration from the councilmembers before they started suggesting names, several being shot down immediately, a few more taking some time.

Depa let them speak for a few minutes without commenting, her mind whirling, until she made her decision and quickly pulled herself together, seeming to be the epitome of calm. 

“If the Council agrees to it...I will.”

* * *

“Trained, young Skywalker will be.”

Obi-Wan barely resisted the urge to rise to his feet at Master Yoda’s words, relief clear on his face, only to so quickly disappear as the Jedi Master went on: “Too young to have your first Padawan, you are. Inexperienced. Grieving. A good Jedi, but too young. Take on the task, Master Billaba will.”

“But Master Yoda-”

“Argue with her, if you must. Easily swayed, Master Windu’s former Padawan is _not._ ”


End file.
